- Mother: BUT I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!
- Me: ain't nobody tell you to do that tho
is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS
Teacher: when you’re done you can leave early
walking a drunk friend like
yesterday this really hot guy came into my work so i called dibs and then i saw his wedding ring :// so i had to call his wife and tell her i dibbed her man ://// awkward (for her)